dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
