how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
