just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize