4 words: hood of his car
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
