Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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