Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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