I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
