I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
