someone get that fucking seahorse.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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