ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
