we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
