my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
