My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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