i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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