he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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