I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
