People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
