You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
