I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
