You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
