shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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