Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
