He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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