Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
