I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
