he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize