Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
