I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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