someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
