dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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