I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
