I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
