Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
