Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
