You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
