The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
