dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
