yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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