Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
