Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
