Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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