Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
