We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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