sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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