Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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