I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
