ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
