It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
