I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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