She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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