That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
