As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
