next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize