I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
