I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
