The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
