around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
