last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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