update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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