If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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