That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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