if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
