You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize