it was like eating out sand paper
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
