Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
