Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
